Dear Adoption, This Morning I Woke Wet With Grief

IMG_9690Dear Adoption, This Morning I Woke Wet With Grief

This morning I woke wet with grief. Anxiety quickened in the belly. A burn, a dream residue. A lover, an anniversary of an anniversary we never reached. I’m alone, I texted someone. I can’t believe I’m still alone. Everyone feels so fractured, so scattered, so old. 

I’ve always had nightmares. Terrible nightmares. Since as long as I’ve been dreaming. Which I imagine is as long as I’ve been living. Which I suppose is just after being born. But what would I know about being born, having simply arrived?

Arrived like an apparition. Like memory. Like sleep.  

I once saw an astrologer who told me I was born under an unfriendly planet. Or was it an enemy planet? In any case, he said that ever since the day I was born, I have never lived under the influence of a…

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